Melancholy

Sometimes things happen that you just can't explain....

I have been very melancholy lately, maybe I'm trying to find the meaning of my life, or what I am really doing with the present, am I happy with the way things are, do I make changes with my life's path? all of these "deep thoughts" have crossed through my mind lately. Partly because when MB is out of town, I have a LOT of time to ponder the meaning of life.....

But I read this blog Bring On The Rain, now mind you it is a very sad story. When you, if you choose to, read it, start from the beginning. It will make you cry-- if you are a woman, a mother, a sister -- it will make you cry. So, reading this blog put some things into perspective for me, while making my heart hurt for this family as well.

But it truly made me realize how blessed I am with my children. Even with all the turmoil/chaos that I tend to have around me (usually brought on by myself) these are perfect, sweet children who I know inside and out, and love deeply, more deeply than I have ever experienced before, nor ever will. And I know them because they are mine....little replicas of me....Mini-me's, I am touched by them every day and I am blessed to watch them grow and become the little people that they are meant to be....

So on to my next melancholy moment. I had a childhood friend who touched me greatly. She moved right after I started high school and we eventually lost touch. For some reason, today I had this deep urge to google her, this weird tugging at my heart to do whatever it took to find out what she was up to. I did find her, but unfortunately it was through the obituary of her father. I thought, wow, how sad, her dad passed away since she and I last talked (about 6 years ago). And then I found the Obituary...it was from Monday. This made me terribly sad, my heart began to ache and I felt this strange sense of disconnect.

You know, we go through life everyday, the same old routine, the same people and places cross our paths...but have we stopped to think about those who may have passed earlier in our lives and what is going on in theirs now? To think that since October, her father had been suffering with cancer, her family struggling but keeping spirits up and supporting each other. And I....someone who considered myself a friend to her hadn't enough care in my heart to wonder earlier about her, or keep in touch with her all of these years.

I am truly one of the worst of these people. In fact, so much so that one of my friends from high school actually guffawed at the thought of me keeping in touch with one of my best friends who has moved to CT. Obviously, to her this must have been ridiculous since I couldn't even keep track of the girl who lived across town....

Anyhoo...I don't mean to sound down on myself. What I hope you will get from this is to take a moment and think about someone in your life who may have slipped out for a while. For me, I was able to find this person via the Internet, and hopefully when the time is right I will reconnect with her. For you, it may be picking up the phone, or googling, or perhaps driving past the house that you think they still live in...or for one of my friends, it was writing a letter to a deceased friend's mom who is still grieving several years later.

Time is precious people. And I see it everyday through the kids...and so many people have said this to me before...but it slips by so quickly. Where does it go? And are you truly meeting the needs of yourself to live your life to the fullest? Are you checking in to the lives around you or do you check out because what you have to do is so much more important than spending time with your friends and family or reconnecting with an old friend....trust me, I am guilty. Put an X by my name......

So I just want to say thank you to all of you who "check in" with me and are a part of my life. Those of you who love my children and make them part of yours...each of you who has said a little prayer for me, MB and the rest of my family. THANK YOU. I don't say it enough...THANK YOU.